Excess is never the remedy for neglect.
For too long in my life, I have had the wrong assumption that when I haven’t done something in a long time, I need to overdo it once I get back to it. But you cannot rage your way into balance.
It requires softening and forgiveness.
Self-neglect is not doing enough especially around self-care and healing. Excessiveness is doing too much. Including overeating, overspending, over working, over sexing, overusing substances and attention seeking. These are all self punishment practices and part of an addictive cycle which makes YOU pay for traumas you didn’t cause.
Overeating
Overspending
Over working
Over sexing
Overusing substances
Attention seeking
When I see I’ve neglected an area of my life, I’m now trying to remember to first ask myself why I did it. How did I get here? And then I have to ask myself the pivotal question: Is that something I can forgive?
And here’s a tip: When you ask yourself this question about forgiving yourself, the answer should always be yes. Even if it takes a while to get to the whys and then get through the feelings that come up.
And when you are able to say I have been overwhelmed, distracted, not feeling worthy or chasing things to self-medicate, you can then start to see the truth behind those actions. And maybe the shame that accompanies them. Because so many of us are struggling with those very things. It’s ok. And it’s for a purpose. You have to know that. It’s important that you learn your patterns and know yourself.
Because you are the one who has the power to turn things around. But you have to be able to see if first.
So it’s a blessing to see beyond your own mask. When you do, you forgive yourself for being human and simply being affected by what’s happening to or around you.
Then you can move forward to begin to take baby steps to self-correct. Balance is the goal. Not ragefully overdoing it to over-compensate. Love yourself through it. Like a mother teaching a child who’s just learning to know better. That’s where we all are in our life cycles – a baby in some areas and mature in others. And that’s ok. Be your own gentle parent!
Just start. And start small and slow. Consistency is key and more self-forgiveness will be necessary as you continue healing and growing in this part of your life. You’re on your way!